Common reasons you would like to outlaw your in-laws and how to overcome them
Marriage tends to work differently in different cultures, but one common issue, no matter where you are, is the conflict between the spouse and the in-laws. These issues are especially common in a heterosexual relationship, in which it is the man’s family that can cause you to feel ill at ease.
Often, the mommies are to be blamed; there is no woman good enough for the sons. Other times, disapproval over the choice of spouse can pave way for conflict.
No matter what the reason, feeling like outlawing your in-laws is rather common. And while you may have many comedy movies featuring this theme, the issue is anything but funny.
Conflict with the in-laws has a grave impact on the relationship. It can also pave the way for self-esteem and self-worth problems. Alongside causing rift and conflict, these issues can also posit many mental health challenges, requiring treatment from the Best Psychiatrist in Lahore then.
Therefore, knowing the common reasons for conflict and their resolution is important.
Common reasons for conflict with the in-laws, and how to overcome them
1 They do not let you in their inner circle
Marriage means becoming a part of the family, but your in-laws might not trust you enough to let you in. Feeling like an outsider can be extremely lonely, especially when you are not doing anything wrong by them.
However, you must also then respect their boundaries. It may be that they need time to adjust to your relationship. Some families tend to be more hostile towards outsiders. In any case, you need to be polite in your conduct. You do not have to be their best friend anyways.
2 They are rude and insulting
If you feel that your in-laws are rude or insulting towards you, first rationally understand your feelings. Sometimes, you do not speak the same language. Or maybe, your conduct is just as rude.
In any case, keeping things civil can be challenging but for the sake of your relationship, you need to avoid conflict and flights. Talk to your spouse about how being in their family can be unpleasant for you but frame it not in a derogatory manner. Rather than telling them their family is downright rude, phrase yourself as something like you do not get their brand of humor, and it makes you uncomfortable.
Let your spouse then be your buffer zone. Strike a compromise with them about spending quality time with the family, but let the frequency decrease; as they say, distance makes the hearts grow fonder. However, understand that they will need to be around their family, so do not make things difficult when they are expected to show up.
3 They do not approve of you
In case your marriage did not carry the seal of approval by the in-laws, things can get tricky to manage. Expect your entire personality to be nitpicked.
However, if you start making a thing out of every remark, you will drive yourself crazy. So, accept that you cannot win them over and be polite, nonetheless.
4 They do not respect your boundaries
In-laws who meddle into any and every affair can be very irritating. Everyone needs their personal space, and lack of respect for it can breed conflict.
To avoid this, establish firm boundaries from the very get go. Issues occur when you let them very deep into your life, and then ask them to take a step back. So, from day one, keep a healthy amount of distance.
5 They play mind games
Some families are not above playing mind games. They can gaslight you, manipulate you and even cause you to challenge your reality. These mind games have implications for not just the relationship, but one’s mental health as well.
So, if you think your in-laws are gaslighting you, firstly, trust yourself. Then, document it, and talk to your spouse about it. Even confiding in a friend will help you. Understand the way you are being gaslighted and rise to the occasion accordingly.
However, do not forget your mental health in the process. Gaslighting has a way of morphing into emotional abuse. Get professional help by consulting an expert like Dr. Nazish Imran and looking after your mental health otherwise as well.